Gandhi_ I am in love with a boy manufactured to destroy so i shall unravel my love just like a red woolen glove.

Whisper
click
tap.. tap.. tap..
 I keep forgetting I am sitting in class while the other students live their lives around me.
I pick at my red woolen scarf as it unravels a bit... funny thats how my life feels.

I forget how you can go so long floating on clouds made up of fluffy stuff they call hopes and dreams... and love.  Then the next thing you remember you're on the ground twenty stories down and your looking up at the sky as others keep on floating by, not bothering to say hi just wave bye.

I forget how easy it is to slip underneath their toes nobody cares where is it I go.  Before anyone can stop it your treading water looking at your own reflection gazing back, not recognizing the sneering face.  I forget to put on my smile so I dont let them catch on that anything is wrong.

I wish they would have caught on already... to forget about me and let me fade away in peace.  If  I was stronger I would put forth the effort to not forget, to not forget to love to not forget to take away my own ambitions.

Without ambitions and hope, why even have heart and a brain.  why not cut them out and lay them on the operating table so at least there is now a reason for the numb blankness in your eyes.

What if I dont measure up, What if I forget how to be me.  What if I lose myself sometimes, and forget how to find myself.  What if thats all it takes just that once and I've lost myself completely.  Is that possible?  Are we ever ourselves completely anyways?

 Maybe if I lost myself I would find myself.

I cant take a chance.  Is forgetting really worth the pain it causes later?

So now I will get up from the chalk outline I have drawn for myself, open my eyes, take a deep breath and

Remember.